Along with the perks of working in a coffee shop, I have found a sizeable downside: men who treat coffee shops, restaurants, fast food establishments, etc., as places to air problems and pick up chicks, frequenting the business under the false assumption that the friendliness of female employees is more than part of their job description.

I try to feel sorry for these individuals, reminding myself that they are probably lonely, sad men, who were never taught the doctrines of respect and dignity. Maybe growing up without a proper father figure in their young lives. But whether that’s the case or not, there is no excuse for gaping, yelling and obscenely gesturing at anyone, male or female, if uninvited. Which, if you’re a stranger, almost always is.

I have reached the point of feeling enormous gratitude to the gentlemen who come to the store solely to purchase food and drink, not to secure a date. I sometimes feel the urge to reach over the counter and hug them, if that wouldn’t be misconstrued as the very thing I am writing against.

I’m not normally a fan of these kind of lists. They are oftentimes too outrageous and, frankly, way overdone. But after experiencing a number of creepers in my life so far, I feel as if the following is more than warranted.

You might be a “creeper” if:

1. You yell a greeting to your favorite employee even though she is already engaged in conversation and obviously very preoccupied with other customers.

2. The chair in the corner of the shop has a permanent indention of your behind.

3. All female employees mysteriously disappear when you walk in the door.

4. You hover at the drink station long after you’ve received your drink, staring at the girl workers who are half your age, asking them personal questions and inviting them to your house. (No joke. Seen it happen.)

5. You turn a 2-second polite greeting into a 30-minute, one-sided discussion on a topic of your choice.

6. The other person is always the one to end the conversation.

7. Your morning ritual includes cruising past your hangout spot to see, from the cars in the parking lot, if any of your favorite girls are working.

8. You plan your daily schedule around the times when your crushes are working.

9. You know every employees’ name and use them at every opportunity.

10. You have to change hang outs every few months because, for some reason, the employees just don’t seem as nice anymore.

11. You have a book of pick-up lines that you use so much, you have to rebind it every year.

12. The money you spend on food and drink at said establishment each month is larger than your car payment.

13. And finally, you have gone through hangout rotations so many times that the employees know just how long it will be before you disappear again.